Never Split the Difference Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss
If only, you never had to negotiate.
If only, you never had to make any sacrifices in your career and personal life.
But, what does it actually take to become a pro at the art of negotiating?
In his book, “Never Split the Difference Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It”, Chris Voss shares his secrets to success and how to come out on top every time.
And, the reason Voss knows all these secrets is because he was actually once the FBI’s top international kidnapping negotiator.
“He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.” -Chris Voss
Through his words, Voss shares with us the art of convincing people as well as the power of our words, tone, and actions. In this world, we need to ask for what we want and go and get it. But oftentimes, we don’t know how to do that. But, just wait, cause Voss will show you how!
The Big Take-Away
By utilizing a few key practices, you will be able to negotiate and convince anyone in your life, whether it be your partner, your boss, or a merchant.
Humans Are Always Negotiating
You may not realize it, but humans are always negotiating. You negotiate with your lover, your children, your family, your friends, your co-workers- basically everyone you come in contact with.
Negotiating isn’t always black and white, sometimes it’s simply convincing someone to try a new cafe with you instead of going to the same old place.
What Makes Negotiating Successful?
If you want to be a master of negotiation, it’s important to have knowledge and smarts. But, that’s not all!
It’s also about forming an initial trust with the person you are negotiating with. Once that bond is established, it is much easier to gain information from the other party.
*Pro Tip: Get the other person to do the talking. This will allow them to feel vulnerable, open, and willing to share.
“Mirrors work magic. Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar. Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. Use mirrors to encourage the other side to empathize and bond with you, keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy.” -Chris Voss
If you are unsure how to build trust with someone, start by actively listening. This involves repeating what the other person is saying to show your understanding. If the other party thinks you understand them, they will automatically feel closer to you.
Make Your Voice Work For You?
It may sound crazy, but the tone of your voice can make all the difference when it comes to convincing a person.
If the person you are negotiating with is upset, then a deep and soft voice will help to reassure them that they are in good company, stabilizing the trust you have already built.
There is also power in utilizing a perky and playful voice. This positive tone works best for less intense situations such as purchases at a flea market or trying to convince your child to eat their vegetables.
Understand Their Emotions
It’s important to be empathetic when you are trying to negotiate with someone. This will allow them to feel, once again, understood and connected to you.
Whatever You Do- Don’t Rush
It’s easy to compromise or give in to the demands of another party, especially when you’re fed-up, tired, and it’s a time-sensitive situation. However, the worst thing you can do is compromise too early.
Stay calm, breathe, and keep talking.